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ShiningWizard

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I guess this is just another lost cause, Ponies. All you ponies don't know about lost causes. The NPO does. They said once they were the only causes worth fighting for. And they fought for them once, for the only reason any pony ever fights for them. Because of just one plain, simple rule: "Love thy pony. And in this world today full of hatred, a pony who knows that one rule has a great trust. You know that rule, NPO. And I loved you for it -- just as my sire did. And you know that you fight for the lost causes harder than for any others. Yes, you even die for them -- like a colt we both knew, SuperCampion. You think I'm licked. You all think I'm licked! Well, I'm not licked. And I'm going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause, even if this room gets filled with lies like these; and the NPO and all their armies come marching into this place. Somebody will listen to me.

BiographyEdit

ShiningWizard (Real name: Trixie Lulamoon) was born at some point. She did things, as far as we know. However, those things did not include watching Quantum Leap, for some reason. Bad Trixie. That's why you were banished from Ponyville. During her banishment, she then found the fWc just in time for them to split into two factions, those with smiles and those without (later to become Mainland and Japan). She captured her first Gredunza a mere two weeks later on 7/16/12, and another nine after that. For one week, she was the poster with most Gredunza wins of all time, winning her 11th Gredunza on 10/14/13 and surpassing then-record holders FirstNationalBastard and nyrkah1, who both had 10 Gredunza wins at the time. The next week, she was tied by Mr. Bastard, who then went all Cena and refused to quit winning belts.


Ms. Wizard is also the fWc's current Photoshop Mistress, and maker of many of the custom belts for Gredunza winners. Various fWcers are planning to test her mettle by having her photoshop Chyna's vagina until it looks appealing.


Ms. Wizard is also a founding member of the fWc Nexus, because everyone has to belong to a damned faction like it's WCW 1997.

Gredunza Wins and Other TitlesEdit

Ms. Wizard is a 17 time Gredunza Champion, 14 time Tag Team Champ, 8 time Last (Wo)Man Standing, 3 time FFLM Trivia Champ, 1 time Global Legendary Television Champ, 4 time Hardcore Gredunza champ and 1 time Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness champ. However, she has never won the coveted Arquette title, mostly due to the fact that she hasn't picked it up out of the trash can and started defending it for no reason in particular.

The Legend of ShiningWizardEdit

' "ShiningWizard is a son of a bitch!"

"ShiningWizard is the mother of every kid in this town!"

"ShiningWizard once showed me a video of her making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with ShiningWizard in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. ShiningWizard goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm ShiningWizard! SAY IT!' Then she manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ShiningWizard' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"She'd eat a homeless person if you dared her!"

"Her poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"She sweats Gatorade"

"She once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"She hated Mexicans! And she was half Mexican! .......And she hated irony!"

"I once saw her scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"She sheds her skin once a year."

"She makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."

"She did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran ShiningWizard!"

"I once saw her eat a whole live chicken."

"Her favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."

"She sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, she was pretty normal when it came to that."

"ShiningWizard was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time ShiningWizard took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally ShiningWizard takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. ShiningWizard yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

"ShiningWizard had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said her heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."

"She once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"She taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

"They found $60 in change in her stomach."

"She did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"She grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

"ShiningWizard drank a full glass of liquid LSD with her eggs. Then she slept for 8 months straight. When she woke he rubbed her eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to ShiningWizard talk in her sleep."

"She date raped David Bowie."

"She once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told her it was ok to have a mistress."

"It was the sight of ShiningWizard's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

"She once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"She killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"She uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"She once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"She drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"She sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"

"You know, she would shoot whiskey into her neck with a syringe!"

"She has dandruff the size of mice!"

"She jogged with a fridge on her back!"

"ShiningWizard was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved her for it!"

"She's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds her baby shrimp scampi."

"She orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."

"She went public with her own buttocks and made $7 million."

"Did I ever tell you about the time ShiningWizard went hunting? ShiningWizard decides she's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. She stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"We once had a bachelorette party for ShiningWizard. She ate the entire cake before we could tell her there was a stripper in it."

"ShiningWizard once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"ShiningWizard once got her wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"ShiningWizard's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"ShiningWizard ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

"Did I ever tell you about the time ShiningWizard was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, ShiningWizard chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

"She breastfeeds John Madden."

"ShiningWizard named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on ShiningWizard's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"ShiningWizard directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."

"All the 'Yes' album covers are ShiningWizard family photos." "Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. ShiningWizard said it would've happened sometime."

"ShiningWizard still believes in Santa Claus, and she wants to put him in porno films."

"She thinks the Iron Man is gay."

"She framed Roger Rabbit."

"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on ShiningWizard - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

"She gave a handjob to a manta ray."

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